gosh, I’m so happy three people actually liked the last chapter, aasdfghjkl <3 <3 <3. I feel like cyber-glomping you guys. But if you don’t like that, here just have some pasta. Tell me if it’s okay to tag you so it’ll be easier for you to follow this story, or if that would just be irritating ._. This chapter is on the fandom war between Hetalia and Homestuck some time ago. Like a flashback thing. Doctor Who and Sherlock get a brief cameo though. First chapter found here: hetaliaddiction.tumblr.com/post/49056498351/het...
^cleared my blog background for this, because it’s hard to read otherwise
Homestuck had no idea how it all started and he wasn’t interested into digging any further, for he had long since filed that bizarre memory under “Never To Be Spoken Of Again”
Let’s just start from the top.
At first, Homestuck wasn’t very popular.Even until now, he was the type to shut himself in, confining to places he was familiar with, like Tumblr. It had to be mentioned, however, that when in his comfort zone, he could go wild, the way Canada is when it’s hockey season.Despite seeming modest and introverted in some platforms, he exhibited a craziness of epic proportions, robbing, not so much as hogging, the spotlight in others. And he was proud of it. Tumblr was his place, hell yeah. On the other hand, Hetalia was the too loud and too hyper guy who irritated everyone and unintentionally offends people by spilling insensitive things in his blabbers. He had seen better days (2009-2011) and afterwards fought harder and harder to keep that plastic smile upon his face. However, he still remained quite popular and just as hyper. Even as both of them soared to fame, this only made others isolate them, saying popular fandoms were all locked off in their little ivory towers.
Put together two fandoms who are just as crazy and prideful, one that hid violent and murderous urges, while the other started thinking he owned the spotlight and with both actually bored and lonely on the inside…
Not a good formula for peace.
When things got bad, Homestuck would retreat to Tumblr and give others a piece of his mind, because everyone knewhis place there. On that very day, there he was, standing on a high podium,others gazing up in admiration as he fervently gave an utterly compelling speec- Suddenly he felt someone crash into him, knocking him off balance. The hall was suddenly enveloped in a tense silence.
“Veeeee~, hand over a piece of tumblr, you stupid little shit, oh my gosh you’re retarded, ahahahaaa…”
To say Homestuck was shocked was the Epic Understatement of Tumblr. To say that was sheer audacity was to say Excalibur was just a sword and the philosopher’s stone was just a rock.
“Hetalia! Get off the bleedin’ stage! Oh myAngela, he’s so getting beaten into Hell for this, say hi to Sebbie forme,” moaned Kuroshitsuji from somewhere among the audience.
“W-well…you’re stupid too, ha! I meanwhat kind of name is that, doesn’t Heta mean idiotic?”
And So It Began.
Accounts of what happened next depended on who you asked. But most of them agreed on one thing: It was a childish,puzzling quarrel that somehow exploded into epic proportions, had no goodreason to be started and was prolonged only by the pride of both fandoms.Almost every platform became a devastated battlefield and other fandoms were sent fleeing in all directions. As Doctor Who loved to put it ever so eloquently when asked, it was all just a huge dick measurement contest.
At least this made the other fandoms notice them.
Not that it was needed in the first place,because one of Homestuck’s previous past times were running through Tumblr,holding a sign that promoted/demanded others read his comic, which of course,got on their nerves.
Maybe they weren’t so different after all.
“You stole them, you stole them away, how could you! I hate you!”
“Pfft, so it’s my fault you’re slowly dying and people moving off into Homestuck!”
“I never stand you, always stepping on others in Tumblr, now it’s my turn to rise from the ashes again like the Roman Empire”
“…you were always too dramatic for your own good”
Lunging forward with his sword but Hetalia blocked his blow with a katana. Whipping out a pistol with his other hand,Homestuck took aim. A sardonic smile tugged on Hetalia’s lips as he gestured briefly, a wisp of black magic forming bullets that clattered uselessly to the floor. Feeling his pistol grow lighter, Homestuck threw it to the floor,knowing whose bullets those were.
“Ne ne Homestuck, you do know I have more power, more magic, yes? I have the knowledge of the world”
Homestuck parried.
“But there is so much beyond the reality normal humans know of”
Smiling, he easily dodged a blow
“You may have more essence, but I have more weapons”
A trident buried into the shoulder of Hetalia and he staggered back, howling in pain and clutching at it. Mutterring theHetaOni healing spell under his breath, he was sent running this way and that, stumbling over cracks and rocks as he healed himself and extracted the weapon,wings slowly unfurling from his back.
“You are the past and present, I am the futur-“
“ENOUGH! HOATA!”
The trident had transformed into a Britannia Angel wand in Hetalia’s hands. A ray of magic shot out, illuminating the arena as it descended upon Homestuck. “Thorns of Aglogoth!” he announced ashe drew out the weapon, deflecting the attack partially. But the remaining energy sent him off his feet and sprawled onto the ground.
And so the fight continued, until many abandoned platforms were left as vast wastelands, stripped of natural magic and devastated by many weapons, ancient and futuristic. Until there was nothing left in their days but their battles, until they saw no one else, until they ran out of even sticks and rocks and resorted to unarmed cat fights. And one day, someone they didn’t know (which was not a surprise, since they isolated themselves in their fight) just entered, grabbed them both by the back of theshirts and told them it was over. And they looked around themselves, at everything they destroyed, at the tired, disappointed faces of those who tried to get themtogether through fanart, cosplay, anything, and decided for themselves it was over too.
And so, as abruptly as it had started, the Hetalia-Homestuck fandom war ended.
But it’s not like any sane fandom were going tolet those two off the hook.
In fact, they had built a facility just for them.
What followed was a mind-numbing months-long schedule of torture that had both fandoms locked up in an undisclosed location,exposed to injections, brainwashing and hours of crossovers, condescending psychotherapists, irritating counsellors that spoke to them like they were five years old and “talking honestly and sincerely about their feelings”2569 times over. And so one day, on a day Homestuck decided, in retrospect, he should have found out the date of but actually he was too mentally cracked to care at that time, Hetalia staggered into their shared room and staring straight at a Homestuck who stared back with empty, blood-shot eyes. He was not wearing his typical smile but like Homestuck said, he’s was too mentally cracked at that time and would probably have the same reaction if Hetalia chainsawed down the door while carrying a rocket launcher and declaring he had killed everyone else at the facility and was now Dark Supreme Overlord. Anyway,it was at this time that Hetalia decided to put it (and in a rathersophisticatedly, pompous and elegant way)
“We should fuck.”
“…”
“No, I’m serious, if they really want us to be together, then this would bloody well work”
More silence.
Hetalia walked forward and snapped his fingers.
It didn’t work.
He slapped him.
“Hey Hetalia, Homestuck, whatchadoing?” A happy Sherlock opened the door and asked, a grin upon his face.He was tasked with eavesdropping on them to make sure they got along. Puttingon his typical smile, Hetalia turned around, his expression and mannerisms entirely different and replied
“Veee~ I was thinking of fucking Homestuck into the bed so hard, it breaks apart and he can’t stand up for a week, ehehe!”
Still grinning, Sherlock shut the door, turned 180 degrees and walked back the way he came from.
Homestuck, finally out of his comatose state,looked up at Hetalia, his eyes no longer glazed over. he seriously contemplated the situation. He wasn’t just thinking of it as getting out of the facility,though that would be nice. No, there was so much more to that. Before all this,both of them didn’t know each other very well. They just went around, asked a few people and decided it was enough justification. And considering that both of them didn’t have a very good reputation outside their own respective fandoms, they didn’t get a good first impression of each other. Over their time here, Homestuck realized that Hetalia thought he was some weaboo trying to shove his webcomic down others throats, when actually all he thought his webcomic was awesome so people should try it, that was all. And he wasn’t too prideful to go to other platforms, he was just afraid to venture into unfamiliar ground. And in return, Homestuck realized Hetalia was just a lonely boy who was desperate for company, thus he was all hyper and poured out to anyone who went close, which drove them away as they thought he was just trying to promote his anime and not listen to them. Which made him lonelier and the vicious cycle continued. And when you were uttered everything so quickly, you wouldn’t have the time to choose your words carefully, something Hetalia really needed to improve in. He was also terribly bad at reading the atmosphere, so these two factors made people think he was racist and even pro-Axis, when he actually meant no harm (with the exception of his murderous urges, of course,but that was a different matter, nothing to do with what they accused him of doing). In the other words, both of them were just misunderstood.
He remembered when he saw Hetalia sobbing in a dark corner and went up to him, but before anything else could happen, the guy jumped right up, almost taking Homestuck’s jaw clean off. He braced himself for attack, but just Hetalia just turned around and smiling, telling him something how his last episode was sad, but the new one was happy…actually, that was all Homestuck managed to catch because all he knew was how the sunlight shone in and lit up his face, giving his sweet honey-brown eyes that extra spark, how his smile seemed to send warmth seeping into Homestuck’s body more than the sun did-
Nopenopenopenope Homestuck shook his head to try and derail that train of thought
But really, Hetalia wasn’t that bad a guy. He remembered during April Fool’s,he cast a spell to make it look like he lost his arms and oh my gosh, the lookon Hetalia’s face, the utter horror, it was worth every bruise. And the next April Fool’s, Hetalia had come dressed in a butler costume, saying smugly that Homestuck couldn’t have expected that. Of course he didn’t. He didn’t expect Hetalia to have such nice, elegant, slim legs, such drool-inducing hotsun-kissed ski-
Homestuck slapped himself.
But this time, his damn mind refused
I nstead it went on about how he seemed to brighten up when Hetalia was around,suddenly slightly nervous, how he seemed to feel this sense of longing, how his face heated up when Hetalia seemed to try picking the strand of pasta he was eating and then suddenly lean forward with wide eyes and before he could break the strand-
Homestuck groaned, burying his face into his face and Hetalia looked at him questioningly.
Right, no more being in denial.
“So what do you think?” Hetalia asked
Homestuck straightened up, his eyes gleaming with determination.
“Do you love me?”
It was one of those rare moments Hetalia looked thoughtful.
He didn’t want to take risks. He decided the both of them were friends now but he was the “you put me in the friendzone, I put you in the deathzone” type. Hewas true to himself and knew he loved Homestuck and all his weird little moirails and trolls antics. After all, with all that romance in his fandom, hewasn’t the type to say in denial. He was pretty sure Homestuck liked him too though. Sherlock had taught him to look out for things like dilated pupils and an increased heart rate. Plus, he remembered one week when he swore the staff was paid to shove them together literally and rather forcefully. And so he accidentally kissed Homestuck, spending a moment to admire the light rose-pinkblush that graced his cheeks, his soft, smooth, baby peach colored lips against his before Homestuck wiggled away. And as more and more of these encounters happened, the less Homestuck struggled until he gave just a small wiggle out of principle and Hetalia laughed and told him to stop being coy.
Throughout his life, he always so lonely and that smile felt more and more like a plastic wrap that clung to his face. But Homestuck really understood him. He understood that Hetalia had a dark side, that he could be dangerous, that when his fingers flexed nervously,he was about to launch a large attack, that Hetalia wasn’t as happy as he really seemed. Acting didn’t make you happy. It left a hole in Hetalia he never bothered to fill because it would cost too much to be himself. But Homestuck had done it and the more he hung around that guy, the more he realized he could smile genuinely. Subconsciously, he made Homestuck his pillar of support, just that one thing he needed to keep going. And now whenever he glomped Homestuck or blabbered to him or did stuff others would push him away for, Homestuck wasn’t even irritated. No one else would understand him but what if someone else understood Homestuck? No. That couldn’t happen. He couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t lose the only person he could be with when he had lost so much more. He could never ever take a chance to let anyone go near Homestuck.
So Hetalia chuckled
“Ve~ Guess all that treatment is getting to my head too!”
He loved how he could think so well yet talk like that.
“Then let’s do it”
A/N: Aaaand I will not write that partttttt 8D *stands up with arms wide, waiting to be burnt by scorching scones*